Artemis Fowl and the Divorce
by tara renee jones
Summary: It's a musical! Lol. Holly a cheater? mulch playin Artemis? Songs wjustinbritneymario W.u decide! rated just n case. R
1. Default Chapter

  
D.C: I do not own any of the Artemis fowl characters. I only own the plot.  
Ch1: Call from Holly  
Artemis rolled over on his side in his bed looking up to see. Nothing. He would never get used to the idea that holly wasn't there. That Holly would never be there again. He looked down at his ring finger. You could still see the tan lines where for 3 years their wedding ban had been. The ring that was once his pride and glory was now stored in the bottom drawer of his dresser gathering dust.  
He wished that he could pull it out and show it off again. If only for a little while, he could tell people of their amazing adventures together. But that was before they decided to retire and live off his stolen money. That was before he found out about her secret.  
It was only a little before a month ago when he got home early from his business trip with a travel agent looking for estate deals. He was supposed to meet his long lost friend mulch when he got home. However holly must had beaten him to it. She beat him to it 5 different times.  
It was over the moment he walked in the bedroom. That was the last he ever saw or heard of holly or mulch. He lost 2 of his friends in the same day. All he had left were butler and Juliet. But Juliet had gone off to try out for a wrestling team now that she was finally trained and butler has aged quite a bit for a 40 year old.  
Artemis's train of thought was interrupted when he heard a dull buzzing sound. Digging under the covers he was wondering who would possibly be calling him this early in the morning. Of course he knew considering only 2 people had the number. Holly and Butler, however Butler was the only one allowed calling him.  
"What is it Butler?" He asked sleepily.  
"Artemis it's me. Holly."  
"Great...to what do I owe the pleasure of this call." He asked with silent, unseen tears rolling down his strait, and solemn face.  
"I just want to talk to you."  
"No."   
"Artemis, please just listen to me for 5 minutes. Don't hang up...I just want to talk."  
"5 minutes? That's a waste of your breath and my time. You got 2."  
"Fine." She said grumpily. "I just really need to tell you how much I miss having you in my life. I love you."  
"Yeah, well i'm not the only one you say that to. Why don't you call up on your good friend mulch? I'm sure he can help you with your needy problems."  
"Hey! It's not like that and you know it. Besides I stopped contacting mulch. I don't need him like I need you. I really, really need you Artemis. I'm sorry. I made a mistake."  
"Yeah, well you made that mistake a numerous amount of times so you don't need me to bad...anyways if you haven't checked your clock yet allow me to inform you that it has been way past your 2 minutes, so if you don't mind-"  
"Artemis, don't be like that...it's not fair. Just give me a chance."  
"I gave you 3 years worth of chances. 3 years for you to decide where your priorities lie. You should have taken them. I miss you to holly but not enough to loose you again. Goodbye holly."  
"Artemis! Haven't you even listened to me! I left mulch for you!"  
"Yeah! Well you also slept with him holly! Was that for me to? Well this is for you!" He hollered throwing the phone against the wall smashing it into a million pieces.   
( -) ( - ) ( - )  
(A/N) okay so the holly and mulch thing is kind of out there. No I take that back. Okay so the holly and mulch thing is totally gross and against human nature but at least it's original! Besides I'm totally against Artemis/Holly romances because she is really old for him so I had to write at least 1 where they are breaking up. 


	2. cry me a river

D.C: I still don't own Artemis Fowl characters. I only own the plot. Lyrics of 'cry me a river' go to Justin Timberlake  
Ch2: Cry me a river  
  
You were my sun. You were my earth.  
Artemis remembered his life before holly came along. How he had to sacrifice his life of crime for her love. How he gave up his devious ways just to be there when she needed him.  
But you didn't know all the ways I loved you. So you took a chance, made other plans.  
He couldn't describe how he felt in words. All he could say was that he must have been an idiot to not notice what was going on right under his own nose, even after all his years of criminal activities.  
But I bet you didn't think your thing would come crashing down.  
But not now. Now the problem was solved. He fixed the missing link. It's her turn to be the idiot. She is the one that will regret it.  
You don't have to say, what you did I already know, I found out from him.  
Then she had the nerve to call him! Well now it is her turn to feel rejected.  
Now there's just no chance of you and me, they'll never be and don't it make you sad about it  
It is over, He thought. She doesn't need me. She doesn't even love me. So I'll never need to love her either.  
You told me you love me, why did you leave me all alone  
She is just in denial. She'll be back to her old cheating self by tomorrow. Only now she won't have anybody to cheat on.  
Now you tell me you need me, when you call me on the phone  
If she loved me then she wouldn't have done that deceitful thing.  
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused with some other guy  
My life will be just as good without her in it. I can even go back to doing what I do best. If she wants Mulch, she can have him.  
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn to cry  
She'll regret it.  
Cry me a river...cry me a river...cry me a river  
I hope that she is already suffering as much pain and loss as I am.  
I know that they say some things are better left unsaid  
But I can't help but wish that I hadn't found out. At least I wouldn't have any reason to feel this way. And at least I would have thought that we would live a long happy life together.  
It wasn't like you only talked to him and you know it  
There's no way to back out of it now though. He already had all the evidence he needed to know the truth.  
Don't act like you don't know it.  
She may try to act, look, and sound innocent but she was guilty. The look in her eyes alone told the long horrible story she was hiding.  
All these things people told me keep messing with my head,  
Yeah, he didn't want to believe the truth. He wanted to just shrug it all off as a bad dream. But how could his life be normal knowing that he is living a lie.  
you should've picked honesty then you may not have blown it.  
Maybe it was because of him.  
You don't have to say what you did I already know I found out from him.  
Artemis was getting tired of all the stories going around. Of course it was all her fault! How could he blame himself for it? He didn't do anything wrong.  
Now there's just no chance of you and me, there'll never be and don't it make you sad about it  
She was the one cheating on him!  
you told me you loved me, why did you leave me all alone?  
And he trusted her!  
Now you tell me you need me, when you call me on the phone.  
He never would have dreamed of doing something like that to her...never.  
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused with some other guy.  
Who knows? She could have been cheating on him with more than mulch. Maybe she was with Foaly to!  
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn, to cry.  
She could have been cheating with a hundred guys!  
Cry me a river...cry me a river...cry me a river  
It's her loss. He was the faithful one.  
The damage is done so I guess I'll be leaving...the damage is done so I guess I'll be leaving...the damage is done so I guess I'll be leaving...the damage is done so I guess I'll be leaving.  
Now it's his turn to find somebody new.  
You don't have to say what you did I already know I found out from him  
But this time I'll be more careful...  
Now there's just no chance, of you and me, there'll never be, and don't it make you sad about it?  
We are so over...  
Cry me a river...cry me a river...cry me a river  
We can never be one again...  
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be, and don't it make you sad about it?  
I'll be fine on my own...  
Cry me a river...cry me a river...cry me a river  
I can live by myself...  
Cry me a river...cry me a river...cry me a river.  
Until I can trust again. 


	3. Advice from Foaly

(A/n) I know that the story line is gross but I had to put something in. anyways, just read on cause the whole plot will b twisted by the end. Lol.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I got reviewers. Now I get to give my public their props. Lol.

**Toaster the toaster: **thank u so much 4 b n so nice about ur opinion. I know that holly/artemis r gross. I also know that holly/mulch is even grosser but it's meant to have a purpose farther along. Besides how many stories do u come across like that. F.y.i I said that artemis was on a business trip even tho he is retired. Im sorry but thanks 4 pointing that out cause it gave me a great idea so that I wont have to go n redo the whole thing. Once again thanks 4 ur opinions. N even more thanks 4 b in nice about it

**Navalina: **if u think that I have a sick mind cause I made a sick story now, then r u n 4 a surprise. Lol. I'll give u a hint tho. U were rite when u said love triangles don't work. That's y it will b a love square with a few jagged edges to it. Lol. If u kno what I mean. Anyways, thank u 4 u opinion n 4 b in nice about it.

**Holly rox: **its reviewers like u I love. Lol. I wouldn't say that this is a holly/artemis romance cause I think those r gross mainly cause she is about 4 billion years older than him. Lol. That's y I had 2 make 1 of them breaking up. Im glad u like it! I hope u like it farther on to! this chapter is just 4 u, n holly pov. Thanks 4 ur opinion, n 4 b n nice!

**Idril namolanya: **thank you! Im glad u liked it. Don't take anything personally about ur story...its just a little 2 tense 4 my taste if u kno what I mean. Lol.

**ALL REVIEWERS: **(yes that's rite! All whoping 4 of u. lol. Thank u 4 ur opinions n 4 b in nice about them. Thanks 4 not burning my house down w/ flames. It means a lot to me. Also I saved every review so that I can go thro my story mayb later on n c if I can make some adjustments.

D/c I own no characters here...but I do own the plot cause I am the only person n the whole free world who would think of a story/musical like this!

Ch 3: mind problems with Foaly

Holly was walking down the crowded streets of Haven. She was too busy trying to occupy her mind with her steady tapping caused by her shoes to notice all the people staring at her. It might have been caused by her sad look, it might have been caused by her carelessness, but more than likely it was caused by her smell.

She was in so much of a hurry to get off the pod that she forgot all about washing off the smell of human on her. Of course who could blame her? After a few months living above ground you forgot all about the quick flames in the hotshots.

When she finally reached her destination she strangely found herself walking past her house instead of in it. Instead she headed down to see Foaly. Maybe she would feel better if she just had somebody to talk to.

"Holly?"

She didn't have to far to go. She turned around just n time to see Foaly standing at a café a few feet away from her chewing on a carrot. "Foaly, what are you doing here? I was just going to come see you."

"Oh...I was just on my lunch break. I still have 10 minutes though. Why don't you come over here and join me. You look like you could use a cup of coffee."

Holly walked over and slid into the seat across from him. "I don't feel much like having anything right now."

"Oh? What is it? Is living up with the mudpeople finally getting to you?"

"No. I'm not living up with the mudpeople right now."

"Why?" He asked shoving the last of his carrot in his mouth, "what's going on at the number one celebrity's house now?"

"It wasn't him...it was me."

"You?" Foaly questioned clearly shocked, "You mean the only girl in the entire LEP, the only girl to survive the mudpeople, the only girl to-"

"Cut it out Foaly! I'm being serious."

"So was I...ok, ok." He replied seeing the look n her eyes as she glared daggers at him. "So what did _you_ do?"

"Well me and Artemis got in a little fight."

"Over..."

"Promise me that you wont tell Root?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. Just tell me what happened."

"Well I was cheating on him...Artemis came home early from a business trip and...andwalkedinonmeandmulch." Holly said mumbling in a rush on the last part.

"Okay...can you say that in normal gnomish for us normal people?"

"Hewalkedinonmeandmulch."

"Holly, come on now. I can't find a way to help you if I cant understand you. Just stop being scared and stop mumbling. Just shout it out."

"HE. WALKED. IN. ON. ME. IN. MULCH!"

Holly could tell by the look on Foaly's face that he was about to throw up. "Okay I take that back. If you were with mulch then I don't think there is any way of me helping you. You got some serious mental problems Holly. That is as bad as you running off with that mudboy!"

"HIS NAME IS ARTEMIS YOU DIM WITTED PONY!" Suddenly Holly could feel the stares of onlookers burning into her mind. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? YOU NEED GET ON WITH YOUR OWN LIVES!"

"Holly...Holly? HOLLY!" It's okay, I was joking. Just calm down. It's no use taking it out on me and the public."

"I'm sorry Foaly...I'm just so stressed over this. I really want Artemis back. I even gave up on Mulch. Everybody would be thinking the same thing about us anyways. They would say that it was a sick match and would never last more that a day or two."

"Yes, I understand what you are getting at but does Artemis? I mean...does he know where you stand?"

"I tried to tell him earlier this morning. But he wouldn't listen to me Foaly! He thinks I was cheating on him...because of him!"

"Well were you?"

"NO! I mean...maybe. Okay I'm not sure. It just felt like the right thing to do at the time. Maybe I just needed a chance to let myself know what I really am...who I really am."

"So maybe you just wanted a reason to be linked to the underground world?"

"Yeah, I guess that is what I'm getting at...but I'm jut not sure. I really want to be with Artemis."

"Well...I'm sorry Holly. But all I can say is good luck. We have had hard times in the past with Artemis. I'm not looking to start those times over again over your relationships with him. Your best bet is to either find away to make him listen or just learn to cope without him and get over yourself. Anyways I got to go. If I'm not in the ops booth in 5 minutes Root will have my paycheck."

"Okay. Thanks Foaly. I think I'll take your advice. I'll make him listen to me."

"Okay. Bye Holly." Foaly was right about to walk around the curve in the road when he turned around. "By the way, when I said make him listen, I meant it to be within reasonable measures. If you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind." And with that he disappeared out of view.


	4. everytime

**Hey once again thanks to all of my reviewers. I cant thank you enough. If u ever find something that you would like me to add or possibly change to make it better to you then just let me know. These may be my words but it is your story. Without the readers there wouldn't be a book. Thanks!**

Disclaimer: Artemis fowl and related characters belong to eion colfer and of course the song is every time and it belongs to Britney Spears.

**Chapter 4: every time**

Notice me  
take my hand

**If only she could take the last week back and stop her from moving on alone.**

_Why are we   
Strangers when  
_

**If only if she would have taken the time to try to understand him a little better as he had done for her.**

_Our love is strong  
why carry on without me?  
_

**If only there was some way to know if he felt the same way or not. Of course he had to miss her. They just got the divorce today according to fairy law. They couldn't do it in human court naturally because of the thought that she is a fairy. It only she knew if he wanted and needed her as well.**

_Every time I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small  
_

**Now not only was she alone emotionally but physically. She felt like she had the wings but no backbone to support her.**

_I guess I need you baby  
and every time I see you in my dreams  
_

**Why wouldn't I still love him? He was my life, soul, and only one!**

_I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you baby  
_

**Now every memory of him still remained in her mind as she reviewed the long forgotten tapes in her mind.**

_I make believe   
that you are here  
It's the only way  
I see clear  
_

**Now all she had left were these memories.**

_What have I done   
you seem to move on easy  
_

**Of course he can hide his feelings. He has been doing it all his life.**

Every time I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small

**Wings but no backbone...the thought echoed in her mind.**

_I guess I need you baby  
Every time I see you in my dreams  
_

**If only she still had him by her side. Then she would no just want to do and just what to say.**

_I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you baby  
_

**She wanted him by her side again. She would do anything to prove how sorry she was and the truth of why she did it.**

_I may have made it rain  
Please forgive me  
_

**If only he could have sensed it in her voice. After all the years of being with him, she thought he could read minds. A stupid thought yet how else could he have always known what was wrong with her, and what she needed? Or maybe he did sense it. Maybe he was the one afraid to try again. Yet she would prove it to him. She had to.**

_My weakness caused you pain  
and this song is my sorry  
  
_**if he wouldn't listen over the phone or in person then maybe she could express her sorrow through her prayer and hope.**

_At night I pray  
that soon your face  
will fade away  
  
_**it just had to work! She had to live her life. Yet he was her life. She couldn't just get over it. Not without fighting all she could.**

Every time I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small

**Once a soldier always a soldier. So what was the difference with LEPs? They were always taught never to leave a sprite or fellow officer down. In this cause Artemis was the sprite,**

_I guess I need you baby  
and every time I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
_

**She had to help him up on his feet. She had to help him get over it so that she could still have a chance.**

_I guess I need you baby_

**But how? All she knew was that she had to make it work.**

(A/N) sorry guys this one was kind of short. Don't worry I will try to use a longer one next time. If you all have any suggestions please send them in. I want to make this as long as I can. My goal is to make it the longest story on this site even if it is the stupidest. So far I plan on doing a scene on mulch next. O n ur going to find out something about him to. ur going to find out holly's secret and y she really left him. Lol. Plus it has a great song by usher. U might get the hint. Im going to use 2 of ushers songs so far. 1 for Artemis and one for Mulch. Send me some ideas ya! R&R.

another thing to look forward to: surprise another shocking mix will be added soon.


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